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Shenanigantist
detective Claw 

Christmas animals and legends

For years Christmas has been celebrated but have you seen any of these animals and legends?

Reindeer 

Picture
Reindeer just prancing around. This is a Reindeer who supports the RFC.
Reindeer are the working animal of the North Pole. Just like in legends they do indeed pull the sled. They also have many other jobs like pulling heavy loads and plows so crops can be grown. Each Reindeer does have different and unique personalities. Reindeer hold many positions of importance in the North Pole. The two main parties are the Reindeer for Communism or RFC and the Antlers. 

Elves

Picture
An artists depicting of Santa's Elves
The backbone of the northern economy and industry are the elves. These festive slaves are required to wear and keep a chippy attitude. With this they wok almost around the clock all year. They do receive rest but very little. Unlike the Reindeer the elves do not have the basic northern rights like voting. Ultimately they are not represented in the Igloo, which is the equivalent to America's Congress. There are fables that the elves tell stating it was not always like this and there were many revolts. But to this day none have succeeded

​candy cane zebra

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A drawing by an escaped Elf that shows what the Candy Cane Zebras, which are bred to kickbox, looked like.
The Candy Cane Zebra more commonly referred to as the CaneZ are bred for many purposes, just like the way western society views cattle. One such purpose they are bred for is food. They produce candy canes as meat. Another similar breed produces peppermint and other flavors. Other breeds include racing and jousting breeds. But the largest sport of CaneZ is kickboxing. 

Sinister santa squad

The dark secrets of Santa Claus uncovered

Squirrel commandant

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Squirrel Commandant reporting to Santa. This photo has been colorized to help confirm the squirrels identity. The person who took this photo was never seen again.
Squirrel Commandants are very rare and lead other squirrels in the field.  They report directly to Santa with the information their couriers gather. It is believed there is another rank higher than the Commandant that assist Santa directly and give specific missions to lesser squirrels and the dangerous Wraiths.

Squirrel courier

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A Squirrel Courier leaving a message or report in a dead drop for other squirrels.
Squirrel Couriers are the backbone of the Santa spy ring. They collect information and report it. The information alleged is mostly used to make the naughty or nice list. There are also reports that the information contains what the children want. It is believed that a human based intelligence agency works at about 12.25% compared to the efficiency of the Squirrels. 

Wraith 

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This is an artists rendering of what the Wraiths look like from eye witnesses. There are not many witnesses of the Wraiths.
The Wraiths are the bogeymen of the North Pole. Most of the Wraiths report to squirrel Commandants or their superiors. The best Wraiths report directly to Santa himself. The Bogeymen are tasked with the more undesirable jobs. Their jobs are to keep the peace in the north pole as well as to keep people out. There are strike teams who hunt down escaped elves. Then some Wraiths are tasked to "relocate" trouble-makers who get on the naughty list several times.

Lock or Locks?
Detective Claw 11/17/17

Mr. Lockenour or more commonly referred to as Coach Lock has been hiding something from all of us. Some students from HHS think they know what it is. In interviews between the students and the famously elusive Detective Claw the secret revealed itself. The results are very interesting. After questioning students there are a lot of different stories. Some students just couldn't agree when it comes to the color of Coach Lock’s hair, some say it is grey while others say pink. An unidentified staff member said, “vibrant gold.” Another question presented to students was have you ever seen the coach perform a hair flip. Some said yes. But one thing the interviewed staff member and students could agree on was they've never seen Coach Lock in a wig. Why is that? It just might be because Coach Lock has invisible luscious locks. It would explain why no one can agree on his hair color. Also, it would account for no wig, it would be difficult to wear a wig with a full set of locks. Detective Claw was able to get a one on one interview with the man in question.
“Have you ever had a bad hair day Coach Lock?”- Detective Claw
“(Laughter) yes”
“Have you ever had long hair?”
“Yes”
“What about shampoo? Which brand do you use?”
“Umm… I think it is something like Dove”
“What color is your hair?”
“Was brown (more laughter)”
“Lastly how long does it take to get your hair ready in the morning?”
“Oh about 30 seconds I guess”
This concludes the interview, but does reveal some mysterious things. First is the answer to the shampoo question. Why would he need shampoo? Possibly because he has a full head of hair! Also the answer to hair color is odd, “was brown” meaning maybe he doesn't even know anymore. Possibly because it's invisible. Maybe. Lastly “about 30 seconds” to get his hair ready? Really? That means he puts effort into it getting ready but it seems very short. Maybe because the hair is invisible and he thinks it's fine? As this story develops follow Detective Claw next week who will investigate the secrets of HHS.
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